two 10 year olds...

All I can think about tonight are two little 10 year old girls... One has beautiful big brown eyes and black hair. She'll most likely tuck her self into a bed tonight, that is most likely filled with flees and other crawling insects, sticky from the dormant, thick humidity. without dinner. without a goodnight prayer or a goodnight kiss.

The other, has big beautiful blue eyes and blond hair. Tucked into her bed with her Pottery Barn down comforter, paddle fan from above pressing cool air onto her face - protected by the safety of ADT. kissed and prayed with by her mom and her dad....this one is tucked lovingly into her bed across the hall from me. She is mine.

How can I love these two girls?! Isn't it impossible to love someone I've only met for just a short time?

Before I had even my first, I always wanted: girl, boy, boy, girl.

I'm only missing my last girl.

But is that it?

I'm finding myself yearning for this little girl. Yearning to protect her. Yearning to love her. Yearning to bring her to my family. Who else is going to do this when her mom, who has AIDS, dies? I need my second daughter. My daughter needs a sister.